Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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