i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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