I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
