I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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