Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
