Pregnant stripper...not hot.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
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he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
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Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
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