he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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