Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize