You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
