The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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