I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
