wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
