So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
