Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
