Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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