Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
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Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
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And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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