I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Even my vagina gasped.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
