You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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