The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
