Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
