Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
