my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
