they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
