sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
