sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
