honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
