A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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