New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
