It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
