i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
