At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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