If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
