So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
