Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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