I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
