she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So gin and wine won't be happening again
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
