Whod you bang
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
