He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
