See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
