We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
