Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
