I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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