Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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