I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
