Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
