No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
