Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
