I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
