he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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