he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
