Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
