Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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