Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
