I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
