That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
