i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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