i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
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Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
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P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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