look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
