I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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