Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
