Even the bartender felt bad for me
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
not ubering you a puppy
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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