Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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