Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
