Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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