You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
