Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
