Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize