I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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