I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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