Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
there is puke in my bra ... again
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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