I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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