She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think my moral compass just broke
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
