apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
