Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
