i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
