Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
