feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
