And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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