Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
