Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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