if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
