im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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