This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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