After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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